I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
