I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
