No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't deserve a penis
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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