I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
