Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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