you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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