You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
