Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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