she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
