I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
