I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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