Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
