'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
