i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
