You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
