but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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