If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
