Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
