I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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