You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
