my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
