This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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