i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
