She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
