there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
