you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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