Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
