yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My brain says no but my pants say off.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
