trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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