she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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