Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
