ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
