wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
