she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
