Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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