The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
