wat bout pragnant strippers??
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
