He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just pee around me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
