can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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