Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
