I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Mom said you looked used
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
