This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
