his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
