So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
