It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
