if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
