thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
