Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
