1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
