4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
