i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
