i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have tasted many bathrooms
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
