Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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