I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
